Oh crap...another "Ah-ha" moment!

Hi...my name is Emily...and I'm an Oprah-holic. Deep breath...I feel better having said it out loud.

Here's the problem I have...and mommies, let me know if you feel the same way after watching another gut-wrenching, Kleenex annihilating episode of Oprah.

Here's how the hour usually progresses. First, Oprah introduces the episode. It's either the light-hearted episode music where they're going to talk about Sarah Jessica Parker OR it's the "Duhn-duhn" intro where you hear the ominous music.

If it's the light-hearted music...fear not. Enjoy the hour. If you hear the dark and sinister "duhn-duhn" chords...get ready to feel like crap about yourself in 15 minutes.

Before the first commercial, I'm thinking to myself "Oprah's so SMART! She's seriously got it TOGETHER! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I've never thought of it that way before!"

By the second commercial break I've started to unravel. I'm thinking to myself "Oh geez, that Suze Orman is making me feel a little guilty that I'm 27 and don't have $30,000 in my savings account."

Next comes the deep guilt: "OMG, I cannot believe that I'm putting non-organic food into my son's tiny little body! He has no choice! I'm basically forcing cancer onto him! I'm a terrible mom, I have to get it TOGETHER....like Oprah!"

Then you go into the "I can fix it" stage. "Well, next time I'm at the store I'll buy organic Peanut Butter. Then maybe I'll research some local CSA farmers. But, dang, Alicia Silverstone told me I should go Vegan. I'll look up some non-dairy dessert recipes. Then I can learn how to can tomatoes so we can eat them out of season!....etc etc"

After two days have passed I'm in an all out "failure tizzy" and Oprah has already added two more episodes of AH HA MOMENTS to my to do list! Now I have to research organic farming without spending any time on the computer because Oprah has proved that the internet is making us all so disconnected from our families! I want to scream: "No matter how hard I try, I CANNOT LIVE MY BEST LIFE! Get off my back Oprah!!!! I have diapers to change and lunches to pack and a dog to walk!"

I'm beginning to fear the Ah-ha moments. Poor Oprah. She's only trying to help.

GAH! Stop LECTURING ME!!!!!